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We are all extremely impressionable.  Regardless of having thick skin or being very confident, we are all dented from our past; so much so that sometimes we don’t even realize it.  As I’ve gotten older I just started recognizing the ways I’ve been conformed based on certain situations I’ve had to experience.  I’ve also realized that if I don’t work to accept the dents in the mold of who I am, it will be extremely difficult to achieve happiness or progress as an individual.

What kind of dents am I talking about?  Dents based on trust issues, based on being vulnerable, based on any form of heartbreak and disappointment.  The way we handle let downs of any kind from our past directly correlates with our happiness level in the present.  It’s normal to be weary of letting people in your life when you’ve been hurt or screwed over.  It’s also normal to be extremely guarded if you’ve been hurt or screwed over multiple times, by the people you never thought would hurt you.  It becomes an issue however when the walls you put up are keeping good people out of your life; people who are supposed to be in your life.

Everyone has been hurt, some more than others.  I’ve been hurt by people I’ve cared about several times, in several aspects of my life.  Whether that be friendships, relationships, or something in between the two.  There have been certain instances where the level of hurt has been so high that I know my outlook on certain topics have done a complete three sixty.  It’s not even because I’m bitter or jaded anymore, it’s simply a defense mechanism.  A sure way to make sure I never feel hurt ever again.

When you place certain people on pedestals and they let you down, the effects are harder to handle.  Dent.  When you witness the person you placed on that pedestal change first hand because of a relationship, you start to second guess the authenticity of any relationship.  Dent.  And when you idolized the person on that pedestal in such a way that you wanted people to recognize you as being just like them, and they do something wrong, your world gets flipped upside down.  Dent.  The trust you once had in life, in people, in friendships and relationships is altered.  Because after all if the one person in the world couldn’t hold genuine to you, surely no one else could either.  In short, that’s how I became dented.  And that one dent made it easier for other dents to happen.

Up until recently I didn’t notice the effect of past experiences to the extent that they actually are hindering me.  I’m so busy worrying about the outcome of certain situations that I can’t even enjoy myself in the moment that things are happening.  I assume that every good thing is sure to end in a bad way, simply because that’s how it’s been.  I assume that every person has a secret agenda and no one is as genuine as they seem, simply because that’s how it’s been.  I constantly say to treat every situation with a clear slate, yet my view is being obstructed by my past insecurities and defeats.

Well, no more.  One of my resolutions for this year is to learn to go with the flow and live in the moment.  I spend too much valuable time over thinking everything instead of loving every moment of everything.  I fear being vulnerable in life because I’ve been hurt, and I think a lot of people do that.  I finally see that being vulnerable actually shows a lot of strength.  It takes a strong person to accept that things have gone wrong in the past but that their future and present are not tied to the same result.  It takes a strong person to accept their dents and make them work in their favor.  It takes a strong person to be dented and carry on.

Live in the moment, dents and all.


2 thoughts on “Dents

  1. Once again my unbiased opinion: ” excellent” – especially since I know first hand your hurts. It is hard to let go especially family (your own child, my son) and his family, ignoring me for 18 years.) But I believe in karma – I have to go on – I have a clear conscience and God blesses me everyday, for this I am grateful.

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