Heavy Heart

kk blog
I pride myself in being able to find the lesson behind every struggle in life.  I really try to find a positive within every negative.  I believe everything happens for a reason, and often times I try very hard to find that reason.  But, there are certain things I will just never understand.

I’ll never understand the reason for tragic happenings.  Is it so people learn to appreciate others while they can?  Possibly.

I’ll never understand the reason for suffering and cruelty.  Is it so people to appreciate their life and what they have?  Perhaps.

But what drives me nuts, that I will never understand is why bad things happen to good people, and sometimes those bad things happen repeatedly.

I’ve heard that if you have to go through something again, it’s because you didn’t learn the proper lesson the first time.  I don’t think that’s true though.  You see, I was a dancer (in my heart I always will be), and unfortunately I was cheated out of a dance career.  My first studio trained me wrong, so when I switched studios (to the one that I work at now and absolutely love), the muscle memory was basically shot.  About four years ago I had knee surgery in hopes of being able to get back into the studio and learn things the correct way.  I tore my meniscus and then my knee cap was twisted and off track.  Well, luck wasn’t on my side, and the surgery really didn’t work.  Fun stuff right?  How did I not know this? Well, I have a high tolerance for pain and I just used to strap a brace on it and keep dancing.

If you’ve read my other blog post about cyberbullying, you would know that I dealt with cyberbullies and it was Hell.  Through all that chaos, dance was the one thing that kept me sane.  I say all the time that dance saved me.  It absolutely did.  I didn’t have time to feel sorry for myself being bullied because I had dance class.  There wasn’t time for tears because I had a dance competition and I couldn’t mess up my make up!  I may have had no friends in school at one point, but I had them at the studio.  So, to have that taken from me was not an easy thing to understand in my head.

After the surgery and an intense amount of physical therapy (luckily my physical therapist was awesome… and it’s a plus he looks like Freddy Prinze Jr.), my knee still was not back to the “norm.”  Knowing that I wouldn’t be able to progress as a dancer, because I physically couldn’t, was something that really bothered me for a very long time.  It still does.  When I switched studios I remembered why it was I danced in the first place.  I fell back in love with dance, and then was forced to stop.  It didn’t seem fair to me.

Still, I managed to seek out a lesson there.  I figured it was to see the value of creative expression.  Maybe it was to lead me to writing.  I always loved to write, but I planned on having a career that dealt with the dance world.  I tried really hard to figure out why I had to go through that.  I thought it was pretty impressive to even think that way after being so upset.  I was able to come to terms with the fact that yes, Kristina you had knee surgery and you will never be able to dance at the level you once wished.

Here’s what I don’t get.  Four years later, my other knee starts bothering me.  Bothering me to the point where I even cry, which is a big deal for me.  I go to the doctor for it, get an X-ray, get an MRI… talk about deja vu.  And what’s the result?  A twisted knee cap.  Again.  How does that make sense?

Why do I have to deal with all this yet again?  Nothing is sure yet, and hey – physical therapy with the Freddy Prinze Jr. look alike may be all it takes, but still I’ve dealt with this already.  What lesson have I not dug out of this situation the first time?  I’m at a loss.  And yeah, I’m aware this blog post may sound like a rant, but this is the only way I can get some sort of “therapy” here.

Keeping things in perspective, I know things could be way worse, but in the moment – it doesn’t exactly cool the burn.  I’m a good person.  I find the lesson in things.  I work my butt off.  I help others.  What’s the lesson here?  Could it be that sometimes there is no lesson to be learned?  Could it be that the Universe and/or God (or whatever type of head honcho you believe in) has to distribute certain issues to everyone and this just happens to be mine?  I guess in a sense then that still makes me extremely lucky.  And I think the fact that I’m able to say that through all of this is a big assessment of my character.  Maybe that’s why I have to deal with this again; to prove that my spirit can’t ever be broken, even with a heavy heart.


Do Not Put Down The Oreo!


Surely anyone born in the 90s is familiar with that LFO lyric, “I like girls that wear Abercrombie & Fitch…” from their song “Summer Girls.”  Well, Abercrombie is making headlines lately, and not because of any new song lyric or any really good sales.

The A&F CEO Mike Jeffries has recently displayed one of the many reasons why society takes three steps backward with every two steps forward.  He has admitted that he will not sell clothes to certain sized people or of a lower social status because it goes against what the brand stands for.  He believes the brand stands for the “cool kids” and the “hot or beautiful, thin and fit people.”  He went on to say that he felt that companies who try to target everybody, of all social statuses and sizes, are actually the ones in trouble.

….I’m sorry.  What?

Yeah, you read all that correctly.  Disgusting isn’t it?  First of all, who says that to be beautiful you have to be a twig?  And who says that because you’re not on the same social level as Beyonce you have to dress like crap?  Where did these set standards come from?  

Comments similar to Jeffries’ are one of the reasons people turn to eating disorders, have low self esteem, go down the wrong path, etc.  Because they feel that they should meet the social standard.  

When did Abercrombie & freaking Fitch decide they set the standards for society?

I’m so angry that those words could even be uttered from someone’s mouth.  How do you sleep at night Mike Jeffries?  

We are all beautiful in our own way, as cliche as that may sound.  It’s true though.  And I got news for you Jeffries, there’s a good chance the “cool kids” who wear your clothes in high school, are the ones that are going to have dead end jobs in the real world (because they’re not used to having to actually work), and won’t be able to afford your clothes.  So now what?  Congratulations your demographic has been cut.

Seriously though, appearance and/or social status is not what makes a person beautiful or ugly.  Your personality and your heart are what really makes up your look.  What you give back to the world, how good of a person you are, those are all true tests of beauty.  

I’m not the only one who is outraged by all this.  Greg Karber, a man from Los Angeles, took it upon himself to raise Hell a little bit.  

In a video online Karber says, “Abercrombie and Fitch only wants a certain kind of person to be wearing their clothes.  Today, we’re going to change that brand.” 

Karber took used Abercrombie clothes that were donated to Goodwill etc., and decided to distribute them to homeless people across L.A.  How great is that?  He is even sounding off on Twitter, trying to get people to donate their used A&F wear to local shelters. 

I love this.  Making a statement by causing havoc.  Absolutely love it.  Greg Karber, you and I would be friends.  

These are the types of people that need to be heard in society.  The people who are promoting change, breaking boundaries, crushing stereotypes.  But instead, these strong voices are being overpowered by people of power, like the CEO of A&F.  

Think about where your money is going the next time you think about purchasing A&F brand clothes.  You may be skinny now, but will you be skinny in a few years?  And if you’re a little chubby in a few years (which by no means means that you are ugly), are the sales associates going to look at you a little differently? (Yup)  And are the clothes going to discriminate against your size? (Clearly) Do you really want to give your money to a company that judges people already and could potentially judge you in the future? (I hope not)

Change your way of thinking here, and take a stand.  This goes for anything in life.  Not just clothing items.  Don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone.  Don’t follow the crowd.  Don’t rely on a name brand to get you far in life.  Don’t let materialistic items define who you are or dictate the direction your life takes.  

Stand out.  Do not keep calm.  Do not keep quiet.  Raise Hell.  Cause havoc.  Change the world.

So, don’t you dare put down the Oreo.  If you’re beautiful, you’re beautiful because of who you are, not how you look.


To follow or be a part of this movement with Greg Karber, use the hashtag #FitchTheHomeless on Twitter.