One of my nicknames is Miss Independent.  I have loads of self respect.  I won’t tolerate nonsense.  I will not keep calm and be quiet.  I will voice my opinion.  I will hold my own in a sports conversation, and probably know more about the Yankees than you do.  I will stand for what I believe in, even if it means standing alone.  So, I guess somehow that means I’ll intimidate you and your inflated ego in some way, right?  Yes, I’m talking to you college guys out there.

I have noticed that majority of guys in my college age level are intimidated by strong, independent women like myself.  They are overwhelmed by the thought that some women, like me for example, truly do not need them to validate their existence.  Guys can’t handle that they’re not seen as the dominant one who holds the power card.  And because of this, I’ve noticed that some girls, too many girls, are dumbing themselves down.  They are trying to appear clingy, needy, or like a damsel in distress who needs “saving” in hopes of getting a guy to stick around.  

Well, to my fellow ladies of the world, as the current expression goes… “Ain’t nobody got time for that.”  

The way you treat yourself directly influences the way anyone else will treat you.  If you have respect for yourself, people are going to recognize that you are not someone that can be taken advantage of and made out to look like a fool.  If you allow your intelligence to be known, people will not treat you like a joke.  If you communicate that you are fully capable of handling whatever life throws at you, people will take notice and admire you.  If you’re a good human being and have standards, people are going to want to get to know you, and they’re going to start working to get to your level.  Guys may be scared of women who exemplify such traits, but that does not make it okay for any girl to be okay with being “any girl.”  Girls need to stop acting out the role they think the guy wants them to play.

It seems to me that most guys think the perfect girl is one who does not eat, doesn’t question anything they say, does not take part in sports conversations with them and their “boys,” doesn’t embrace a challenge, isn’t ever seen without make up …and preferably looks like Barbie, in any form.  Well, boys – you need to reevaluate your little fantasies.  Those girls that most of you describe as perfection, are ones that either don’t exist or don’t succeed.  The girls you think you want to be with now, are the ones who will be working for the girls you see as too outspoken, too direct, or too upfront.  Oh and boys, you should also note that the girls you claim are just friends, that you always go back to, because you do care, but you’re too afraid to date them (because you know they can hold their own), are often the girls that could change your life for the better.  How are those superficial dream girls looking now?  A little less appealing? 

Seriously, females of the world… if we dumb ourselves down and start changing who we are for males, we are ultimately slapping Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Susan B. Anthony in the face.  We are disregarding all of their blood, sweat, and tears that went into the mission to get women seen as equal to men.  Let’s face it, women are still not seen as fully and completely one hundred percent equal to men yet.  So, to my generation of girls – do you really want to be held responsible for further dampening equality of both genders?  I don’t think so.  Pull yourself together.  Straighten up and straighten out your mentality (or should I say men-tality… pardon the pun).

Listen ladies, the real man that you want to be with is the one man who feels he doesn’t deserve you.  Remember, a real superman is one who is not afraid to stand next to a superwoman.  




Going Back To Basics

ImageFebruary 14th.  Valentine’s day.  Single’s Awareness day.  The “Hallmark” day.  A dreaded day.  A hated day.  A surprising day.  A favorite day.  Just another day.  

Everyone has a name for that fourteenth day in February.  The ones who have a negative attitude about it, probably have a good reason.  While the people who see no harm in it, have either fond memories or no memories of good or bad at all.

I, personally, think Valentine’s day is super strange.  It’s a set day to show someone you apparently care enough about to be in a relationship with, that you do indeed care.  And if you’re single, it acts as a deadline to your search for someone to be your designated attention giver for the day.  And for those in a “fling,” it’s a day where you try to be cute and show you’re willing to make an effort with someone who may not always be responsive.  Where you go against any personal fear of rejection in hopes of having a real valentine; whatever that really is.

Why do we do that though?  Why do we search for someone to give us affection?  Is it because in elementary school it was routine to pass out Valentine’s day cards?  Is it because the media has done nothing but throw the idea of love and relationships in our face since we were old enough to read?  Is it because no one wants to ever be alone with just their thoughts?  I know, that’s just so terrifying (please note the sarcasm dripping from that sentence).  Are we really that concerned with fitting in to the social status quo?  Or are we, as humans, seriously that needy?

The answers to all these questions can all boil down to the one thing we have forgotten.  We have forgotten the most basic rule of love, relationships, and pretty much life.  We have forgotten that we need to love ourselves before we even think about loving anyone else, or even accepting love from anyone else.  Ask yourself if you’re running toward someone to be your valentine simply because you’re running away from yourself.  Simply because you’re afraid of being your own valentine.  

We need to be our own valentine.  We need to cherish the relationship we have with ourself.  That’s the most important relationship we’ll ever have.  If we fail to love who we are, we ultimately fail at existing in general.  It’s true, the most profound relationship is the one you have with yourself.

It’s sort of funny.  For the past few years I’ve always said I was my own valentine, because after overcoming obstacles in my past, I really do love myself.  However, it hasn’t been until recently, dealing with my own set of “relationship” (for lack of a better word) issues, that I realized how on point I really was.

So, Happy Valentine’s day… to you.  Simply to you, your self, your soul.  Respect and admiration for all you are, all you do, and all you hope to achieve – that’s true love.  And that’s true love that will never break your heart or leave you with unanswered questions.  Now go buy yourself something nice!